Breakfast at Bill's with my mother always starts up a deep conversation...

Ever since finishing university it is safe to say that I have felt a little lost in life. Not like 'what the hell am I doing here?!' but it is more a feeling of unease about the what my future holds. I was able to put this feeling on hold for a while whilst I settled into my job and moved out into a house of my own. A few weeks ago however, I seemed to take a step back and have a think about what I am actually doing with my life. I was having breakfast with my mum and we just got on to the subject of life goals and aims and it got me thinking long and hard about which direction I'm heading.

I think it is very easy to fall into a trap once you've graduated from university of just trying to get any job going and kind of ignoring the fact that you have spent your whole educational life so far, building up to this point. I know it sounds kind of cliche, but I genuinely think that it is truly hard for graduates once it is time to 'join the real world'. I feel as though you are constantly fed information at school that says that your education is basically pointless unless you go to university and study further education. I have found two major problems with this, one; everyone is fed this same information and therefore the amount of graduates has increased which means that it is difficult to stand out from the crowd, and two; our education choices are filtered to a point that we are studying a subject that we may have got good grades in but aren't necessarily passionate about or guided in a way that would allow us to see what our carer paths may be. I understand that I am generalising quite a bit, but this is the way that I have been feeling over the past year. And although I loved (and still do love) the subject that I chose to study at university, I can't help but feel a sense of regret and disappointment about the fact that I am not using it in my everyday job. I guess the feeling that I am trying to get across is that at the moment I feel quite unfulfilled. 

Now don't get me wrong, I have a loving family, a supportive and caring boyfriend, a beautiful house and the cutest little cat. I just feel like I am now settled in my personal life, something I have been trying to be for quite a few years now, and it is as though I have reached a point where I am finally thinking; right, what is my life plan. I am not one of those people that has to have everything planned and have a really tight schedule, I just mean in terms of my carer, what the hell am I going to do.

In my head for a long time I thought that I was going to be a teacher. Since the start of my A-Levels I decided that I wanted to go to university to study History and American Studies and become a secondary school History teacher. It wasn't until after I had graduated and I was filling in the PGCE form that I sat back and thought, is this really what I want to do for the rest of my life? Don't get me wrong, I think that teaching is one of the hardest and most respectable jobs, I loved all of my teachers at school and some of them were such an inspiration to me, which is probably why I wanted to go down that career path. I just think that I panicked at the thought of my whole life, until I retired, was set out for me and I just don't think that I was ready for that sort of commitment. So I told my parents that I was going to take a year out after university, save up some money, move out, and re-assess what I wanted to do in a years time. It is now two years on from when I made that decision, and I think that it is the anniversary of that pivotal moment that has been making me feel a little out of sorts and uneasy with the way things are going now.

So, I can imagine that you are wondering where this little ramble is going... I have made the decision that I do not want to be in the same place that I am in (careers wise) in another years time. I went to an open night at York College a few days ago to have a look at what evening classes they have to offer, in the hope that something might catch my eye and breath a bit of life back into my career. I have decided to study Indian Head Massage as a night course that will incorporate my other interest to History which is beauty (incase you hadn't already guessed this). Once I have qualified I will be able to set up my own business and have paying clients which I think will be really good for me as I can be my own boss and earn a bit of income from it. I am really excited to be starting this course in September, and I hope that it will encourage me to focus on my career a bit more and maybe open up some new doors to me. Eventually I would love to run my own business or work from home, be my own boss and know that I am earning my own income, and I have high hopes that I am now finally walking down the right path.